Monthly Archive:: January 2014

 

I will be 40 in March. My best friend just turned 40, along with most of my graduating class. Some people I grew up with are turning 40 this year. Some are taking it well, some not and other are in completely denial.

Not me. Turning 40 is awesome and here’s why…..

I could give you some generic claptrap that ‘age ain’t nothing but a number’ or ‘you are only as old as you feel’ or better yet ‘I’m just celebrating the 20 anniversary of my 20th birthday’. But that is not it.

It’s a privilege to turn 40.

My father had a younger brother. He was a few weeks shy of his 21 birthday when he made a serious of stupid decisions involving drugs. In the course of events that followed, he was shot and killed. My 23 year old father was never the same.

Uncle Jim was just 20. He never got married, never had children,never bought a house and he never met me. I was born 3 months after his funeral. I was the niece he predicted would be born when everyone else told my mom she looked like she was carrying a boy. He told my mom the last time he saw her ‘Take care of my baby girl’ then rubbed her belly.

In honor of the uncle that loved me and never met me, I have decided to grow old in his honor. To take every year I am blessed to become one year older with grateful heart. I will do it for my father who didn’t live to see 60, which is a relatively young age now.

It is not so terrible a thing to grow older. At nearly 40, I feel more confident in myself then I did at 21. My life experience has molded me into a better person then I was, a more patient, loving person. I like who I am now.

40 is not so scary, 40 is awesome

Cheers

QE

Walk with the angels Uncle Jim <3

 

 

I have a daughter. More than likely she will date and get married someday. As much as I worry about the kind of men she will bring home,
I worry about the kind of girl I’m sending out there. She’s going to be someone’s wife someday, and I’m going to do all I can to make sure
she’s a good one.

I’m not talking about the ‘humble and obedient’ bible description. I want a daughter that her husband feels lucky to have her.
I want her husband to say to me ‘You did a good job, she is amazing’

But in order to do that, I have to prevent her from falling into typical girl-like behavior. As I grow older (and hopefully wiser) I see
some of the mistakes I made as a young woman, behaving in a way that most girls do but shouldn’t. It took me a long time to change that behavior
and I hope I can prevent it entirely in my daughter. (wish me luck)

I feel I had a better insight in understanding the opposite sex by having three brothers. You get to know inside their brains, how they work and thinkand how to act accordingly. It helped me in the long run be a better wife.

I let my list explain…

~Enjoy your own company-do not rely on anyone to entertain you. Be comfortable with spending time by yourself. You will never be lonely if you know how to be alone.

~No hitting anyone, ever. We preach to our sons that it is a mortal sin to hit woman, but shouldn’t we be saying the same to our daughter? She should never raise her hand to anyone, unless it’s in self defense. She should never accept anyone striking her, ever.

~Don’t play the ‘nothing’ game. Man: what’s wrong? Woman:(sulky) nothing. followed by an hour of arguing as the truth is extracted bit by painful bit.If something is bothering you and someone asks about it. TELL THEM. no mind games. speak out and resolve.

~No one can read minds, some people can’t even take a hint. So if you like things a certain way, or want a particular pair of earrings for Christmas,just say so. Children have no problem filling out their Christmas list, don’t make your boyfriend/husband try and guess what you ‘might’ want.

~Stop getting pissed off at the strip clubs. Men are visually stimulated. They like looking at the female body. Don’t get yourself in a tizzy about bachelor parties, strip clubs, honking at girls in short dresses or him watching porn. If your man is running off with a stripper named Sexenia that he met at “Double D’s and Mees’ strip club, good riddance. Don’t saddle him or yourself with unnecessary guilt.

~Keep good words in your mouth. No name calling. Neither accept it nor participate in it. If you are going to have an adult relationship, calling someone a ‘shithead’ in front of his children is not just childish, it’s mean. Speak about behavior, don’t label.

~Learn not to be offended by dirty jokes. If it’s not your thing, fine. But don’t ‘tut-tut’ someone else for having a wicked sense of humor
(time and place are also a factor in this advice. It’s ok to correct someone telling a filthy joke at your baby’s kindergarten graduation)

~You may not like all his friends, but try getting to know them before you pass judgement. Besides, they are his friends. Respect the friendship.

~don’t force him to go to ‘chick flicks’ go with your girlfriends or *gasp* go alone.

~No event will change anyone. the sooner you learn to accept someone for exactly who they are, the happier you will be. don’t think
‘Everything will be better once we get married/have a baby/move away/his mother dies….etc’

~No one likes a constant complainer. We all got things we could bitch about endlessly, but who wants to hear it all day long?

~Speak up, Speak out and know when to shut up.

~Learn to let go gracefully. Break ups happen. Hearts get broken. But learn to handle pain with dignity. Letting go is hard but try to cope with grace and maturity. If you love someone and they hurt you, standing in front of his house telling everyone what a small dick he has doesn’t make him think ‘I need her back in my life’ It makes you look like a spiteful bitch.

~Don’t hate the befores. Everyone had a life before they met you. Mocking his past girlfriends makes you look insecure.

~If you trust him, don’t check his phone/email etc…If you don’t trust him……?

~Don’t let anyone talk shit about him. No one. They will remember what you let slide.

and last but not least

~If you ask him what he’s thinking, and he says ‘Nothing’ then it’s nothing.

Cheers
~QE