ktfrey1 Archive

“I so understand parents who hit their kids.” Gregg “Opie” Hughes

This could possibly be the line of the century uttered on the “Opie and Anthony Show.” Opie wasn’t talking about smacking a kid around for discipline’s sake, but rather restraining yourself from slapping them when they get on your nerves. I know, I know it is incredibly cliche to say “I used to say I would never hit my kids. Until I became a parent,” but my kids are driving me nuts, and I have to talk about this with someone. Preferably people who understand a Chip reference, but that is a story for another time. Whether you use spanking as your form of discipline or not, you have to admit your kids act up once and awhile and you want to smack ’em in the face. I’m somewhat new to this parenting thing (my kids are only 2 and 3) and I just have to say that the age 3 stage sucks ass. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter has some of the best qualities. She is affectionate, independent, nurturing, energetic, strange, focused, beautiful, and daring. But she also has some horrible qualities. Mostly from me but that is besides the point. She can be angry, defiant, stubborn, unreasonable, annoying, repetitive, and exhausting. Granted these bad qualities are possessed by most 3 year olds, but it is still emotionally exhausting, especially when you’re stuck babysitting them all day.

Here is the angel/devil. Depending on the day

After a year or so of parenting you realize exactly why parents hit their kids. Let’s face it, kids are annoying, trying, and frustrating. They don’t like broccoli even though they ate a whole plateful of it the last time it was served. They want to watch Dora instead of Diego even though it’s the same fucking show. They don’t understand why they can’t wear a sundress in the middle of January in Wisconsin. I will admit that I have lost my cool and smacked my kid. She threw a gigantic tantrum coming home from the park, and I had to drag her 5 blocks because she refused to walk, ride in the stroller, or be carried. I finally got home and tried to disciple her.  She back talked, and I snapped and smacked her in the face. The moment you hit your child is the worst feeling on the planet. You feel instant remorse and freak out. You don’t want your child’s first memory of you to be of you losing your cool. You flash forward 20 years and visualize them on a therapist’s couch retelling the story of how her bitch of a mother slapped her face when she was 2. It is truly terrifying. But then you apologize, and (sometimes) they are cool 3 seconds later playing and chilling out. The resilience of children is truly amazing. You realize that you will work through this and try to make it up to them the best you can.

I suppose this is the place where I should offer some advice about what to do when they are acting like total cunts. The truth is I have no damn clue. Ok I have a little bit of a clue but as my kids are only 2 and 3 I don’t feel like I have enough experience for people to actually use my advice. I guess my biggest piece of advice is don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone has moments where they lose their cool and your kids might freak out, but they will forgive you. I know I always feel like a piece of shit if I lose my cool and scream or throw something. But then I came across this story. Now these people are pieces of shit and abusers. Losing your cool and hitting your kids once every 6 months to a year does not make you a bad parent. Spanking is always a hot button issue with parents. I personally don’t spank my kids, just the occasional lose your cool moment. We use the naughty chair technique, praise, and rewards. What’s the favored means of discipline amongst all you pests? Have you ever lost your cool with your kids?

“Not my hoard, not my problem.” Anthony Cumia/Melissa Stetten LFTC

First off, if you are one of the 3 people on the internet who has not seen Drinking outta cups. Go here now and watch. I’ll wait. Seriously watch. I know it seems stupid but just watch the fucking thing. You’ll be laughing by the end. Ok at least stay til 1 minute 52. “Not my chair, not my problem that’s what I say.” Now the title of this thing will make sense. Also if you don’t watch Live from the Compound with Anthony Cumia and Melissa Stetten, go to iTunes and check it out. They drink, they take calls, and they watch reality tv. The kind of reality tv that makes you lose faith in all of humanity, Intervention, Toddlers and Tiaras, and my personal favorite Hoarders, we will come back to that in a second.

I think we can all agree the mothers on Toddlers and Tiaras are despicable, as MomsForOpie so wonderfully said in the previous blog post “Podcasts and A New Year!” I swear we didn’t plan this out in advance. Great minds think alike I guess. No one wants to be that parent: the overbearing, pressuring, pain-in-the-ass parent. When you first learn you are going to become a parent, you think about what kind of parent you do want to be. In your quest to raise a “normal” kid, you begin to examine how you were brought up. The ways your own parents fucked you up and the ways your own parents raised you well. You remember all the good times and the bad times. The moments that made you who you are today and the moments where you were scarred for life. All this thinking always leads you to “Holy Jesus I hope I don’t end up like my mother.” Take my mother for instance. My mother is a hoarder. Not a disgusting dead cat, shitty diaper hoarder, but a hoarder none the less. She still owns every piece of clothing, newspaper, and any item bought for children since about 1975. No joke. My sister and I found a tote in a closet filled with newspapers from my senior year of high school. I hated high school. I don’t need memontos from my time there. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother. I named my daughter after her for God’s sake. But she can’t.throw.a.damn.thing.away. She asked 3 people before she threw out a Cubs pennat from 1984. NO ONE WANTS IT! THROW IT AWAY! But I digress. We all take the little quirks we (and our parents have) and do our best not to pass them on to our kids. I, for instance, refuse to keep stuff around the house I don’t need. For example, you will never see anything like this in my house.

No way, no way. The second I see a broken crayon it gets thrown in the trash. I don’t need to keep 4000 broken crayons just so I can be crafty. Ugh. The lesson in this is that I want to make sure my girls know we don’t need to keep every single thing they have ever owned. We keep the important (and well done) artwork and the toys they really enjoy and actually play with. I fence sell their old toys and clothes on a Facebook rummage sale site. When my daughter asks “why,” which she does incessantly btw, I tell her she has enough toys or she has outgrown a toy/outfit and someone else who needs it can use it now. Then I remind her that not everyone is as fortunate to have so many toys, blah, blah, blah and make it some noble thing about giving to others when it’s really about getting all this shit outta my house. I am hoping this leads to young ladies who treasure the sentimental things and have the empathy to give to others when they have more than enough. What quirk are you desperate not to pass on to your kids? What values/morals do you hope your kids learn from you?

Who is dis bitch? by kfrey13

Editors Note: Welcome Katie, a contributor to this blog, who I can definitely relate to, and I thank her for sharing her candid story below.  Her last paragraph sums it up beautifully.

If you’d like to share how parenthood has intersected with pesthood, or something that would benefit the O&A community of procreators (besides condoms/birth control) contact me via twitter, or email me at spring2010nj@live.com.

 

You know you are an O & A pest when, you are at a wedding and the best part was seeeing a slideshow photo of the groom with Dane Cook and Bob Kelly. Then you proceed to slam Fat Bobby because half of his face was cut out of the picture because he was taking the picture. I know the groom only knew who Dane was so the picture was really supposed to be of the two of them.  I almost cheered, that’s how annoying I am because anyone O and A like, I am usually a fan also. Their are exceptions of course, i.e. Bobo, but I’m not here to talk about that tiny dicked retard. I’m sure you all are wondering who the hell I am and what I am about. If you happen to follow my on twitter, @kfrey13, all 110 of you, you will know I am a housewife and mother of 2 girls from Wisconsin.  I am home alone with 2 children. All day. I don’t get much adult interaction. However, I do listen to the Opie and Anthony Show, and it is the only adult converstation I get.  It is part of what keeps me sane as well as tuned in to the outside world. They are underpaid and underappreciated by many, but still I am a loyal listener and can’t make it through my day without them. Ugh, that shit was so sappy I threw up in my mouth a little.

The first time I heard O & A, I was in a Schneider truck going through Tennessee. My FIL had passed way, rather was horrifically killed, several months earlier, and I began riding in the truck with my husband to keep him from losing  his mind. This was when the boys were a premium channel on XM, and they had a free preview so we tuned in. It was the classic Larry King bit introducing “THE Motley Crue.” Of course us being rubes, we didn’t understand it at all and wondered what was so funny. We listened for a few minutes and were like, “Are they ever going to move on?!” and stopped listening. A couple of years later, my husband started listening again. Like any annoying pest, he would quote lines (badly) and say to me at night on the phone “Today on Opie and Anthony . . . . ” and I would cut him off because, like a typical caller, he could never retell the joke or story right and it was unfunny. Once he quit driving truck OTR he would listen to the show in the morning before work, and I would catch little bits and pieces. One of the first bits I remember was “Wake up your Spouse Wednesday.” I am a sadist, and I laughed by balls off listening to it (and imagining me doing it to my husband. ) Since then, I was hooked. I listen to the show on Audible now, because yes, I cannot miss a second of the show. I am one of those people.

What really draws me to O & A is they are topical, brutal, and honest about all topics especially parenthood. This is relatively obvious since I am a parent and since it is my “day job” my life is consumed by it. I love to hear (most) other people’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I live in a relatively small town, and like Opie, I detest talking with other mothers at the playground. Mostly because I think my views on parenthood are much different than your typical midwestern mom.  I’m not a mother who loathes the day my kids are out of the house.  Nor am I one who dreads talking to her kids about sex. I can’t afford to be a grandma for fuck’s sake. I don’t get outraged or offended when my children might possibly see or hear something that might possibly damage them.  I am trying to raise self-suffcient kids who aren’t afraid or sheltered from the real world, real language, or real experiences. I believe honesty is a truly honorable virtue and that’s why I listen to the boys. Like ’em or not, they are always honest. Everyone can benefit from that, even our kids.