Monthly Archive:: November 2013

Weapon of Choice

*Names changed to protect the innocent and the idiot

I know two sisters, *Lilly and *Sharon

Lilly has two daughters, her sister Sharon loves her nieces. Sharon is quite an involved aunt. Movies, sleepovers, listening, laughing, scolding when necessary, an all around awesome involved relative. 

Lilly and Sharon have a fight (as sisters are wont to do) Lilly decides that the best way to get the upper hand in the argument with Sharon is to use the most hurtful weapon available to her. 

Her daughters.

Lilly forbids her daughters from seeing Aunt Sharon. No texts, no phone calls, no visits. Sharon makes every effort to keep in contact with her nieces. She sends gifts, she passes message to her mother to pass to the girls. This goes on for months until Lilly and Sharon come to an uneasy truce and make up.

then it’s ‘Look who’s back! Aunt Sharon’

Absolutely disgusting.

Make no mistake parents, this is mental abuse. If you get into an argument with someone who is paramount to your child’s life (i.e. ex-husband,grandparents, aunts, godparents etc..) and your issue with that person has nothing to do with their treatment of the child (abuse, dangerous living conditions…etc) and you decide that the only way you can win your argument is to keep your child from a relative that loves them…you are hurting your child. Period.

Unfortunately, I’ve actually witnessed this abuse in startling numbers. It’s mainly women who decide that someone has wronged them in some fashion (which may be true) and they are going to exact the ultimate revenge on their wrongdoer. 

What these drama queens (and kings) don’t realize is that their child suffers for it. Kids need more than just parental love and guidance. They need aunts, uncles and grandparents. 

Some of the most endearing and influential people in my life were my grandparents. I loved them with a passion. Unfortunately my parents fought with their own parents; but never once was I denied a visit with them because my mom was pissed at my grandmom for something said in a tone ‘not quite to her liking’. I’m not even sure how anyone with a heart (and a grandmother) could turn to their child and have that awful conversation.

Child: I want to go see my grandmom

Mother: you can’t see her

Child: why?

Mother: because I’m angry at her

Child: Why?

Mother: because she didn’t like a photo I posted on facebook

Sounds idiotic doesn’t it?

But it’s not really that far from the truth. Some people want to win an argument so bad that they need to slice someone’s jugular in order to feel vindicated. 

I am not saying that if the person/relative you are arguing with doesn’t deserve a punch in the neck, but if they love your kid and don’t bring their drama to the relationship with your child, why make the child suffer?

My mother and her parents have always argued. But every week without fail, she dropped me off at their house for a sleepover. My grandparents didn’t talk bad about my mom and my mom never talked bad about them within my hearing. They kept their grownup problems between them. Because of their mature attitude, I got to have a wonderful relationship with my grandparents. 

My daughter only has two active grandparents in her life. And although they sometimes try my patience beyond enduring, my daughter loves them and they love her. And i would never hate anyone more than i love my daughter. Her happiness is my happiness. And if i have to grind my teeth and smile…well that’s what dental insurance is for.

 

Cheers

QE 

Wedding

I am settling in after our wedding weekend, of my best friend from college, aka the sister I never had.  I actually set her up with a colleague from work, and ta-da it worked! 4 years later my friend texts me a photo of the ring, and boom we are at  the quaintest inn in Ithaca NY overlooking apple trees and sheep.  Not like the last matchmaking effort I made which ended up in a 6-month relationship filled with tears and plenty of ben & jerrys.  Sorry L! (I actually used this in my toast and got a good laugh.  Anything?  Is this thing on?)

It was a very special time and my daughter was the flower girl.  Which I was quite nervous about.  Well it worked out really well. It also gave us some special time with our daughter.  Her brothers had an equally good time with my parents and Tia.  Well that’s what I tell myself, don’t you know as a parent you need to feel guilty over every stupid decision you make?

I took absolutely the worst quality pictures cause my camera sucks and she won’t stay still.  
Bonus: This scenario didn’t happen!

So no viral videos from me this time…

So if you do follow me, you might see I like to tweet, and it suits my ADD or ADHD, I haven’t been officially diagnosed.  However, I did start this blog that @kfrey13, and @queenelisabeth have been graciously contributing to, cause I can’t seem to write anything that is longer than the stream of consciousness tweets.

Do you like to write too?

If you are passionate about a topic that relates to parenthood and are a parent who listens to O&A and/or R&F, dm me or @ me at @momsforopie.  Would love to put up some new perspectives.  Thanks to the lovely @HollzinSeattle who plugged this little blog as well.  If you haven’t checked out Holly and @Rorschach7 podcast “It’s All about Meeee“, here’s the link to their website, do it! I love this little community that was started.

If you already have a blog, we’d love to share it with your audience too. So let us know!

A Big Happy Veterans Day!! Great photos on my TL of twitter friends that are or have family in the service.  We thank you for your service!!

@momsforopie

I didn’t meet any new friends (and other thoughts on the NarcZito benefit)

DSC03136

 

October 19, 2013 was an interesting day for me.

First, my brother Richard picked me up early and we took a train to New York. My brother has been to New York a couple of times and was excited to show me the sights. We were on a tight schedule since the benefit was starting at 2pm, so we didn’t get to see everything we wanted to see.

I walked through Times Square, we went to Grays Papaya’s, the Museum of Sex, we stared up at the Empire state building. We had a lot of brother-sister bonding time that we don’t usually get due to our busy lives. We laughed, we stared at the sights, we instragrammed.

We were taking pictures of Washington Square Park when I noticed the time. 1:50pm.

“We should head over” he said.

I got a nervous flutter in my stomach. So this was it. I was going to meet all these strangers and I’m pretty sure none of them would have their twitter handles in a big sign above their heads. How would I know who was who? I mean I knew what some of them looked like but how do you start a normal conversation with a lead in like ‘I’m the Queen who are you?’

How wrong I was.

I was not meeting strangers, I met my friends. I met people who embraced me warmly, hugged and kissed me as if we had known each other since 1st grade. I didn’t once feel like I was in the company of strangers. I saw my friends. I put faces to names and made a real connection with real people.

And I met Will, our reason for coming together. I gave him my PepperKeet shirt. I wanted him to have something from me that meant something to both of us, since Ron and Fez were the reason we met. I never had more fun and more laughs then I did that night. So many beautiful people that have come into my life and made it better.

And at the time of this writing, Will was told that his tumor is stable and it has the genetic markers of 90% of long-term survivors. Talk about good news! I want nothing more than to see this man raise his daughter with his beautiful wife and lead a dull life into old age.

But if nothing else, thank you everyone. Thank you for calling me friend. Thank you for greeting me with a smile. There was a lot of love in that room that night and I certainly felt it.

Cheers!

QE

p.s. Ladies…how hot was Jay from Huntington? Nice surprise there huh? LMAO